By 2044, You’ll Just Upload Your Orgasm Directly from Your X-Drive into an iHole

I usually don’t announce NSFW warnings because frankly the issue isn’t that this blog is Not Safe For Work. If anything it is Too Sexy For Work (TSFW, coined it). As the title to this online-diary entry suggests, I’m about to take you to some very sexy, very frightening places. This blog is an erotic journey and I am your guide. And we’re never going to make any sexual progress if you keep having to switch over to an Excel spreadsheet every time your boss walks by your desk.

Just tuck yourself back into your pants and wait until you get home. This blog will still be here later tonight. I promise.

That being said, consider yourself warned:

(io9 via Fleshbot)

Whoops! You want me to put my what in where? Despite all appearances, this terrifying space-age masturbation weapon was apparently not meant to destroy penises, but delight them.

Not only is it fully textured with variable speed options, but also throbs intermittently. Just like a real woman. A real, intermittently throbbing woman.

Now maybe I’m old fashioned, but I remember when all a guy needed was his hand, some tissues, and a copy of Cat Fancy magazine. Obviously masturbation-technologies have advanced beyond any of our sad, lonely dreams. Whatever. The slow, steady march of SCIENCE continues unabated. YAWN.

But, wait. What’s this? It can be “programmed to respond to input from porn movies”? Well, now you have my attention. I just hope it will work with my VHS copy of Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me.

Just slide your pants down around those ankles, press play, and set the vibration control to “Nightmares”:

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Tags: cat fancy, cyberdildonics, erotic journeys, genitals, nsfw, sexy, the future, tsfw, twin peaks

This entry was posted on Friday, January 16th, 2009 at 5:31 pm and is filed under sexy . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.