Having Sex Is Like Playing Mortal Kombat II, Except When You’re Uppercutted onto a Bed of Spikes You Die for Real

I almost considered not online-diarying about this since it has nothing to do with Hilarious Baby News or Retarded Tigers, but then I realized that this blog is apparently just about Scary Sex Toys now.

Sorry, mom. Your son is a blogger who blogs about sex toys. It’s not your fault though. I blame public schooling and rap music.

Anyways. I don’t know if this counts as a “toy” since toys should be fun and not painful, but I’ll let you be the judge of that. Except for you , mom. You should never, ever read this web-log. Please delete this site from your e-bookmarks. Actually you should probably delete all of the internets from your bookmarks, because they are scary places filled with scary people.

Full Too Sexy For Work WTF-ery after the jump…

(Tokyo Times via Unique Daily)

Obviously sex is a battle and whomever has better weapons usually wins, but this is just unfair. As any man who has taken a sexual-defense class knows, a woman’s breasts are her most vulnerable body part (that and her tender, breakable heart). By using a weapon that targets her most precious of areas, even the smallest, weakest of men can obtain a Flawless Victory. And if that’s the case, all of the Sex Trophies I worked so hard to earn are worthless.

So in the interest of leveling the playing field and keeping sex as scary and competitive as possible, I suggest every female sex-warrior keep one of these next to her bed:

The end.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 21st, 2009 at 5:53 pm and is filed under advice, celebrities, sexy, technology . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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