LOL Is the New Black
If you are reading this online diary you are either:
A: My mom (hi mom!)
or
B: An 11-14 year-old girl
Now since the second rule of Professional Online-Diarying is “Know your audience” (right after “Be an asshole”), I’ve decided to try and explore some of the topics you might enjoy reading about (not that erotic Mortal Kombat fan-art and retarded tiger news can’t be enjoyed by EVERYONE).
Unfortunately, I’ve grown a bit out of touch with the average tween-age girl since I spend most of my time in my ivory tower sipping Château Lafite and translating obscure German poetry, so I had to do some exhaustive research (and by research I mean drinking heavily and watching the Disney Channel).
A twenty-four pack of Busch Light and six-hundred Bratz commercials later, I washed the blood out of my eyes and looked down at my notes and realized I’d only written down three things: Hannah Montana, Twilight, and designer fashion.
Unfortunately my lawyer has advised me to avoid blogging about Miley while the trial is still pending, and since the subtle erotic tension of the Stephanie Meyer’s book series terrifies me, that leaves fashion, you guys. Sorry!
Not knowing where to begin, I dialed into an AOL and Asked Jeeves, “Why is fashion?”. Which led me through a labyrinth of confusing hyperlinks about Tommy Hilfigers, Ugg boots, and free ringtone offers. About three hours into my journey down the fashion-hole however, I was stopped dead in my tracks.
Now I might not know the first thing about fashion, but when I saw this it sent shivers down my spine:
(via Gawker)
Right now Marc Jacobs is shitting his pants because he knows he cannot compete with this. No one can. Just when you think fashion has reached its limits, the Church of Scientology comes along and changes everything (again).
I just saw on the Style Network (which is now the National Dianetics Broadcasting Network) that Project Runway just canceled itself. Heidi Klum was like “Shut it down. We are not needed anymore”. Tim Gunn unfortunately could not be reached for comment because after he saw this his mind literally exploded:
Bucket hats + wizard capes + the blank expression of a dead-eyed devotion to the clinically insane ideas of a madman = haute couture. Who knew?
This guy:
“You’re welcome” - L. Ron Hubbard
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August 14, 2009 at 8:59 am
[...] about Gawker as of August 14, 2009 LOL Is the New Black - lastnightabloggerkilledmywife.com 08/14/2009 If you ...
June 22, 2010 at 12:36 am
Yahoo Movie... This is really good news today....