Men Are From Mars, Cats Are From Pleasure Planet

As a lonely 53 year-old, post-menopausal woman I consider myself an expert on cats. I’ve spent my entire life trying to understand and love them.

They are literally the only things that make sense to me in this fucked up world. So when I saw this video my hip literally popped out of socket (again):

(via Everything Is Terrible)

To think of all the money I’ve wasted on expensive kitten massage oils and erotic lotions when all I needed were a pair of gentle hands and a clear understanding of feline erogenous zones.

I’ve already forwarded this to your mom (we play bridge together on Wednesdays). She’s going to love it. I know that she’s had a really difficult time lately coping with her divorce and your sexual reassignment surgery so she’s looking for ways to deal with the crushing loneliness of her nauseating existence (we just finished reading Sartre’s Being and Nothingness for Oprah’s book club). Don’t worry though. I’m sure she’ll be fine.

Update: Last night your mother took her life. I’ve already registered a blogspot for you. YOU’RE WELCOME.

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Tags: being and nothingness, cat massage, cats, massaging, menopause, your mom

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 am and is filed under advice, love . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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KeithLBrown 10 months ago 1 point
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The reason why cat trees are so perfect for letting your cat get rid of its energy is because of its design. Normally, one will be at least three feet tall and will have different diamond kitty limbs jutting out a main center post.

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nikuniku 11 months ago 1 point
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Menopause or menopauza symptoms can be a real problem for middle aged women. The body suffers a lot of modifications and because of other problems like urinarry stress incontinence this can prove to be a very hard period for any kind of woman. Luckily there are products like the Zoft gum or similar which help reduce these simptoms but overall it's a tough stage in any woman's life.

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Isis 11 months ago 1 point
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Thanks for inormation, niku !

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