As a lonely 53 year-old, post-menopausal woman I consider myself an expert on cats. I’ve spent my entire life trying to understand and love them.
They are literally the only things that make sense to me in this fucked up world. So when I saw this video my hip literally popped out of socket (again):
I almost considered not online-diarying about this since it has nothing to do with Hilarious Baby News or Retarded Tigers, but then I realized that this blog is apparently just about Scary Sex Toys now.
Sorry, mom. Your son is a blogger who blogs about sex toys. It’s not your fault though. I blame public schooling and rap music.
Anyways. I don’t know if this counts as a “toy” since toys should be fun and not painful, but I’ll let you be the judge of that. Except for you , mom. You should never, ever read this web-log. Please delete this site from your e-bookmarks. Actually you should probably delete all of the internets from your bookmarks, because they are scary places filled with scary people.
Full Too Sexy For Work WTF-ery after the jump…
Last night after finishing several hours of scary, anger-filled weight-lifting, I sat down with a bucket of MUSCLE MILK and cruised some of my favorite BODY BUILDING FORUMS.
Just a typical Sunday night, you guys.
Usually I’m just checking out pictures of the other body-builders and laughing (crying) at their powerful, oily bodies (nullus).
But when I saw this, my mind went blank…
(Body Building Forum via Unique Daily)
Whoops, that’s somebody’s girlfriend!
Now, I’m not an asshole (I am such an asshole), but I literally shot MUSCLE MILK out of my nose and all over my explosive pecs when I saw this beast.
Is forum member GPx kidding? He apparently posted these pictures of his girlfriend for our “viewing pleasure”.
Wrong, GPx. Wrong and sad.
If I wasn’t LAUGH OUT LOUDING enough already, these comments from the other BODY BUILDING FORUM members, really sent me over the edge…
Whoops! looks like your boyfriend is at it again: Man in Drag Rams Car into Lingerie Store.
Also -
he is homeless and wanted to go to jail because he had nowhere else to go
Wait, what? I thought you two had worked out your hilarious relationship issues, but apparently not. Now I understand that dating a transvestite can be difficult (SPOILER ALERT my real name is Jessica), but you two were perfect for each other. Except for all of your SCARY PROBLEMS. Seriously, you guys had some serious fucking issues to work through and I’m glad that Jeremy is trapped in jail now and cannot hurt you anymore.
Remember when he beat you unconscious with a shower rod because he caught you trying on a pair of his flower-patterned panties? Or the time he wrote NEXT TIME IT WILL BE YOU’RE (sic) BLOOD ON THE WALLS across your living room after you returned his WILL & GRACE Season 5 DVD to blockbuster before he had finished listening to the commentary tracks? Fuuuuuuck.
Well…Jeremy’s love is crazy.
Anyways: because I love you and want you to be able to wear flower-patterned panties without fear of a savage shower-rod assault here are a few quick tips for avoiding another terrifying relationship:
So…I just stumbled across some unsettling news. Apparently cigarettes can cause SPOILER ALERT dementia…Wait, what? Yes, my babies. Cigarettes are not for your health, they are for your crazy.
Whoops!
Now since cigarette smoking is my second favorite hobby next to returning videotapes, this revelation was obviously terrifying. I don’t mean to alarm you, but OMFG SMOKING IS DANGEROUS. Just kidding, it is the coolest.
Example:
This adorable Chinese gentleman is clearly not concerned about LOSING HIS MIND, so you shouldn’t be either.
But if you are still worried, then allow me to offer a few reasons why you should never quit:
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