If you are reading this online diary you are either:

A: My mom (hi mom!)

or

B: An 11-14 year-old girl

Now since the second rule of Professional Online-Diarying is “Know your audience” (right after “Be an asshole”), I’ve decided to try and explore some of the topics you might enjoy reading about (not that erotic Mortal Kombat fan-art and retarded tiger news can’t be enjoyed by EVERYONE).

Unfortunately, I’ve grown a bit out of touch with the average tween-age girl since I spend most of my time in my ivory tower sipping Château Lafite and translating obscure German poetry, so I had to do some exhaustive research (and by research I mean drinking heavily and watching the Disney Channel).

A twenty-four pack of Busch Light and six-hundred Bratz commercials later, I washed the blood out of my eyes and looked down at my notes and realized I’d only written down three things: Hannah Montana, Twilight, and designer fashion.

Unfortunately my lawyer has advised me to avoid blogging about Miley while the trial is still pending, and since the subtle erotic tension of the Stephanie Meyer’s book series terrifies me, that leaves fashion, you guys. Sorry!

Not knowing where to begin, I dialed into an AOL and Asked Jeeves, “Why is fashion?”. Which led me through a labyrinth of confusing hyperlinks about Tommy Hilfigers, Ugg boots, and free ringtone offers. About three hours into my journey down the fashion-hole however,  I was stopped dead in my tracks.

Now I might not know the first thing about fashion, but when I saw this it sent shivers down my spine:

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