As a lonely 53 year-old, post-menopausal woman I consider myself an expert on cats. I’ve spent my entire life trying to understand and love them.
They are literally the only things that make sense to me in this fucked up world. So when I saw this video my hip literally popped out of socket (again):
We live in dangerous times, you guys. The other day I was rollerblading motorcycling down the street when I saw a group of drug-monsters sitting on their front porch smoking on a weed-pipe. In broad daylight!
I could feel their angry red eyes stabbing into me like HIV-infected, dope-needles. And if their “mary-janes” were laced with “angel’s dust” then there is no telling what they would have done to me to get money for their next fix.
Needless to say I rollerbladed popped a wheelie and rode away as fast as I could.
Now I’ve already written a firmly worded letter that I intend to leave on their doorstep when they are not home, but what am I supposed to do next time I’m out rollerblading ramping off sweet jumps on my motorcyle and run into another terrifying bacchanalian marijuana ceremony?
Don’t worry, you guys. I’m pretty sure I found my answer:
Today while I was checking the Search Engine stats for my online-diary, I noticed a disturbing trend:
So…I just stumbled across some unsettling news. Apparently cigarettes can cause SPOILER ALERT dementia…Wait, what? Yes, my babies. Cigarettes are not for your health, they are for your crazy.
Whoops!
Now since cigarette smoking is my second favorite hobby next to returning videotapes, this revelation was obviously terrifying. I don’t mean to alarm you, but OMFG SMOKING IS DANGEROUS. Just kidding, it is the coolest.
Example:
This adorable Chinese gentleman is clearly not concerned about LOSING HIS MIND, so you shouldn’t be either.
But if you are still worried, then allow me to offer a few reasons why you should never quit:
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